Musings

Why am I in college? I don’t think I know.

I don’t think I ever knew, really.

Is it to get a better job? Well, no, I don’t think so. I mean, what does a bachelors count for anymore anyway? Most people stuck in McJobs have them too. And I’ve never felt like the conventional career sort of person…

Is it because I have passions I want to study? Well, yes and no. I do, but they don’t seem to correlate to any major I could pursue. The problem seems to be one of scale. I like a lot of topics in a general way, like philosophy, history, physics, etc. And I like a few subjects a lot in a very specific way. Fiction prose, photography… The only problem is, major fall right in between. I don’t really care enough about history or physics to study every aspect of it in depth. I’m not even positive about philosophy… But I also can’t major in the things I do care about, because they are always lumped in with other stuff I don’ care about. If I want to be a photographer, I have to spend most of the next three years taking painting, drawing, and sculpture classes. Would I like these? Maybe, but I really don’t know. It doesn’t feel like it.

And in the meantime, I keep growing a day older every day. The years have been whipping by since the middle of high school. And I’m investing lots of time in things I don’t care about while the things I do care about are left collecting dust.

I couldn’t see my advisor today, which means I have to be late going to New York tomorrow. I’m not sure what to tell him anyway.

I’m tired. Have to go present at a photography critique. That, at least, I am excited about.

[Ed. Note: Due to the high emo content of this post, this blog is being audited for movement to MySpace.]

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