Something Simple Revisit

A little while back I posted a list of things I wanted from a college relationship, referring to it as something simple. Since then, I’ve mostly given up on getting it, but I still feel like it warrants a little further explanation.

The list was as follows:

  • No history
  • No families
  • Good chemistry
  • Compatible schedules
  • Comfortable feeling
  • The ability to be honest about it with the people around me

I thought at the time that it made a lot of sense, but since almost no one got what I was talking about (My mom took it as a holiday issue, which I can see) or else understood how to apply it (er, everyone who talked to me about it), I guess i need to flesh it out.

No History: I’m halfway through my second year of college; It has to be possible to find someone to talk to who didn’t go to high school with me. Really, though, this is a request for a stranger. I want to start making a new history with someone, not have our relationship bogged down by statements of the form “You’re great, but you dated x who was friends with y who cheated on z” etc. etc. Of course people will always have their history, but I’d like it to be one in which I am not mentioned. No history means something fresh.

No Families: Another one influenced by high school. I’ve had exactly one girlfriend since I learned to drive. Even ignoring having to ask parents for rides, so long as you live at home families are typically involved. This can be good or bad but it’s always complicated and typically deceitful. As a student at college, my family is far enough away that “meeting the parents” and “first date” shouldn’t be synonymous, and I’d hope for the same from her. No families means focusing on personal chemistry.

Good Chemistry: Isn’t this part of every good relationship? I would have thought so but it baffled a few people. I’m not looking for sex, sans emotion, so I better like the person, and hopefully they’d like me too. Good chemistry means, well, good chemistry.

Compatible Schedules: Honestly, until I posted the original list I figured this was the most difficult requirement. College often means hectic schedules and lots of homework. All I was hoping for was at least a rough compatibility. If I found someone I really liked, I wanted to be able to actually see them occasionally. I could accept some craziness and play things fast and loose timing wise, but never is not okay. Compatible schedules means time to decompress together.

Comfortable feeling: This ranks up with compatible schedules in terms of difficulty. To put it simply, I was until pretty recently in a really long relationship. There’s a comfort that comes from knowing you always have that person, that you can count on them, and just in general from being accustomed to their presence. I didn’t want to have to deal with a whole lot of uncertainty and game playing. Comfortable feeling means being able to let your guard down.

The ability to be honest about it with the people around me: I hesitated to add this to the list originally because I was worried people would take it the wrong way, but mostly they just didn’t get it. I’m going to now state a fact that everyone knows and no one wants to admit: teenagers lie about what they do outside the house and parents lie because often they don’t want to know. It’s not always a bad things; i think it’s possible to treat your children with maturity and have them respond by being responsible, all while keeping certain things secret. My point is, at college, this shouldn’t matter. The parents no longer know (or need to know) everything going on in your life on a day to day basis. Everyone in your life aught to be your same age, too, so no one should have any vested interest in what you do. Being honest means mature conversations with friends and maybe sexiling my room mate (sorry Keith!).

So there you have it. is it still that vague? People will probably still find holes in it, but I guess that doesn’t really matter anymore. I originally posted the list out of my new paper journal in a bout of frustration. Since then, I’ve resigned myself to, perhaps, having to accept life a little more complicated then I would like.


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